In fantasy sports, nothing silences friends, co-workers, and that one weird shut-in that nobody's ever met, more than an entire season's worth of ass kickings, capped off by an undefeated playoff run.

So spin up ol’ painless, and mow down the competition.  You ain’t got time to bleed, because you’re too busy neutralizing bye weeks and memorizing scouting reports. Not only are you the league's reigning champ, but you're a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus, too. 

approx. dimensions 6" x 6" x 9.5"
approx. weight 5.1 lbs